Adding to that, I recently got a request from a friend to help out with writing a horror movie. He set me up with a short list of flicks to watch as inspiration, which is good, because I’ve never been a student of that particular genre. That makes this an interesting writing exercise, to be certain. So, you’ll see some analysis of these flicks filtered through that lens. SPOILERS AHOY, y’all.

The Crazies (the 2010 remake) – I watched this one before my friend brought up the idea for the screenplay, so I wasn’t really watching it with a critical eye. Looking back, though, it was a good example of People Under Stress who begin to question one another’s priorities. “Is Guy A infected? Because he’s acting kinda weird. Is that because we’re all exhausted? Or is it because he got bitten by Guy B?” That sort of thing. Effective stuff, though. While it’s a little too slick in spots to really be 100% effective, it does maintain that Sense of Foreboding nicely.

Splinter – Not a great film, but it’s a great execution of this type of film–a small group of people who don’t like one another trapped in a secluded spot, fending off a monster. It’s got a cool monster with its own well-realized rules and biology, it’s got some well-realized characters with easily discernible motivations that don’t devolve too far into cliche. It’s a fun little thriller–as creature features go, you could do far worse.

House of the Devil – Rotten Tomatoes gave this movie an 85% rating, based entirely (I’m convinced) on the pains the filmmakers took to recreate the look of an ’80s horror flick. And on that level, shit–home run. The out-of-print Coke cups, the 15-pound Walkman…it’s hard to find an anachronism in this picture. But you know what else they did in 80s horror movies? They spent a crazy amount of time leading up to the action. CRAZY. And House of the Devil follows suit. It takes literally an hour and five minutes to get to the action of the flick. There’s no build. There’s no rising action. It’s a teenage girl talking to her friends and walking around a big house for an hour, then, BOOM. She’s tied to a pentagram in her underwear and the movie sprints to the end. The movie gets big points for its look and its conceit, but it’s executed clumsily. What saves it–for me, anyway–is an absolutely delightful sequence in which star Jocelin Donahue (an adorable Karen Allen lookalike) dances through a thoroughly creepy house with her headphones on.

Daybreakers – We did a review strip of this a while back, and I wish I could say it aged well. Sadly, it suffers from “It surprised me that it was as good as it was” syndrome; such movies never view as well the second time through, and I should know that. Still, Sam Neil plays such a good malevolent asshole, the Hummer chase is every bit as cool the second time, and Willem DeFoe’s dramatic rendition of an Elvis song must be seen to be truly understood.

Inception - Boxes within boxes within boxes. God I love a good Christopher Nolan movie, and they all seem to be good ones. Seriously, this guy as a track record that rivals Pixar in terms of high-brow, intellectual entertainment. He’s the middle ground between Charlie Kaufman and Michael Bay, if such a thing is even conceivable. What a fun movie–and the best part was listening to the redneck in the seat next to me playing the “Finish the actors’ sentences” game and failing every single time he opened his mouth. There’s nothing by-the-numbers here–it’s something you’ve never seen before, and you’d do well to see it at least twice before it leaves theaters.

Haute Tension (High Tension) – This movie pissed me off. (Again, SPOILERS COMING.) What started off as a perfectly serviceable, by-the-numbers thriller throws a twist at us at the end that really deflates everything that came before it. You know how you were scared for the plucky little lesbian protagonist? Remember how cathartic it was when she killed the dirtbag serial killer? Yeah–that never happened. That was all imaginary. Turns out she was really the killer and she was hallucinating (?) the events we saw. Now we have to root for the simpering mess of a kidnap victim to try and kill the hero we were emotionally invested in for the last hour and a half. Fuck. Whatever. And now the director’s going on to direct Piranha 3-D. I have no sympathy. But up to the Big Reveal, the flick was awfully well done.

Still to come in part 2: Another French horror flick (Them), The Thing (1980s version), craptacular direct-to-video laughfest Dark Harvest 3: Scarecrow, and Japanese horror flicks Ringu and Pulse, and Ils (Them). And topping them off–The Complete Metropolis. Bring that shit ON.

Joe

So, yeah. When we walked out of the theater after seeing a late show of Eclipse, I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed. Yes, the CG was still bad, and many of the performances were laughably awful, but the movie felt surprisingly competent throughout. It wasn’t the laugh-out-loud-because-it’s-amazing-how-brazenly-boring-and-insipid-this-is gigglefest I was hoping for.

I mean, it wasn’t good, certainly. But there were things to enjoy throughout. And those things were held together by an overall structure that was more watchable and, well, cinematic than New Moon was. (I still haven’t seen the first one. Was it just called “Twilight”? Or was it “The Twilight Saga: Twilight.” I would’ve voted for the latter, but I have those kinds of problems.)

A few random thoughts:

• Sprinkled throughout were little glimpses of movies I would’ve rather been watching than Eclipse. The blonde girl’s flapper vampire version of Kill Bill, for one. And Zara would’ve loved to have seen a Paul Blart-esque retelling of the story from Bella’s father’s point of view. “I’m gonna make myself a sandwich.” (As he bends over to get something out of the fridge, a cow-sized werewolf runs past the window with his dismembered daughter in its mouth.) “Oh dammit, I’m out of mayo.” Rimshot, big laughs.
• What was the deal with the waxy-looking blonde doctor vampire? Was he SUPPOSED to look just like Tom Cruise’s Lestat? If so, couldn’t we fill out the rest of the cast with ringers for other cinematic vampires? Like a Wesley Snipes wannabe, or someone who looked like a young Gary Oldman?
• I’m sincere in my admiration for Jacob. Maybe he’s just written better, maybe Taylor Lautner is a better actor. Either way, his character wasn’t exempt from the creepy stalker dialogue that plagued a lot of people in this movie. Especially eyebrow raising was “I’ll keep trying until your heart stops beating.” Uhm…so…what are you saying exactly, son?

Okay, I’ve already gone on way too long about this movie than a hetero 32-year-old male really should. So, let’s leave it at that.

Little note: I’m going to ease off on the movie review strips and focus on the main story strips, which we’re going to start posting on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Same number of story strips per week, just on different days. Just so you know.

Thanks, as always!

Joe

Happy Memorial Monday, all!

I don’t know if anyone out there is reading their weekly comics today or not. Frankly, I’m hoping you’re not, because I’m really not proud of this review. But then, it was “inspired” (quotations here reinforced by finger quotes) by a less than stellar movie. Not good enough to be rousing, not bad enough to invite scorn. It is, as they say, what it is. A big summer movie tentpole with more CGI than brains, heart or courage.

And the shame of it is, you can tell Jake Gyllenhall was game for this thing. The kid is charming as hell, and he has it in him to carry a movie of this type. I enjoy watching him–he seems to be excited to be on the big stage. The shame is, the writers gave him nothing to do. There’s a severe lack of wit to this whole affair, and, I regret to admit, that seems to have carried over into today’s strip. My apologies. This’ll get better tomorrow.

Luke

Whoo. That was sum’thin.

I’ll be an apologist for this show ’til the day I die. Yes, there are problems that, if you call me on them, I’ll shrug and say, “Yeah, you got a point,” but ultimately, in all the ways that matter, this episode worked for me.

It made for what I would consider an elegant wrap up to the show’s big ideas, most notably the idea of the need to let go in order to move on. Over and above the religious symbolism that I’m sure a lot of people (my wife included) will point to as being excessive or unnecessary, I think it speaks volumes about the human condition. You can let your baggage weigh you down, or you can move forward. It speaks to some things in my own life, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this.

The problem, and I’m sure I’ll be drowned out in a sea of voices saying something similar, is that the show pushed logic to the background as it became more and more allegorical this season. It left lots (and lots and LOTS) of plot holes so it could get to the big ideas. But honestly, I’m willing to forgive an awful lot when it comes to this show. The producers dreamed big, they painted on an immense canvas, and they entertained the hell out of me, engaging parts of my brain I think I’d forgotten I had.

The Internet will never forgive Cuse and Lindelof for not answering every question or wrapping up every loose end. In this era, to make something of real greatness that engages so many people is almost certain to invite universal scorn and hatred. We’re such a collaborative culture now. Lost became OUR show, as we tried to outthink the showrunners. We all had the last episode plotted out in our heads. But hats off to the folks at Bad Robot and ABC Studios for creating something real, and telling their story their way.

Man, am I gonna miss this show.

Luke

And the movie season is off to a less-than-stellar start. Which is not really all that surprising, I guess. The first Iron Man flick took audiences by surprise, after all, so this one falling a little flat isn’t really too disappointing. One good Iron Man movie is one more than I ever expected to get. The prospect of getting a good Whiplash movie, too? Come on…

And really, I think that’s a big part of IM2’s problem–Iron Man is a B-tier super hero with a C-tier rogue’s gallery…and yet they chose to pit him against an F-tier thug. Ask any comics fan who would be a good villain for an Iron Man movie, and you won’t find one who would’ve said Whiplash before the first pictures of Mickey Rourke hit the net. And yeah, they duded the character up as best they could, gave him a decent backstory. But still. Whiplash, dude.

And you know, on the subject, the Black Widow’s never been that interesting either. She’s pretty much a gray jumpsuit with a short haircut. You expect her to be a seductress, but she hasn’t been for most of her 40-plus year run. And, Scarlett Johanssen’s hind end notwithstanding, she doesn’t really serve that role in this flick either.

I get that they wanted Tony to carry this flick, much as he did with the first one. But damn–give the guy something to do. All I remember about IM2 were the hundreds of subplots, none of which were especially compelling, and my sitting there waiting (fruitlessly) for them to give us some hint that the Mandarin might still be on his way. Sigh…