God, I love picking out tags for these posts. If anyone types “ritual suicide and weightlifting” into Google today, they’re coming RIGHT HERE, baby.

Originally, I gave this strip to Zara, but ultimately it’s a little too confrontational for her. Sometimes I get blinded in my quest to give her all the best lines. Slowly, I’m growing out of my hack stage into something approximating an actual writer. Maybe.

So, check out the artwork over there on the right. That’s “The Birth of the Internet” by Andrea. Pretty sweet, huh? Bet you think it’d look pretty boss on the wall of your office/dorm room/kitchen/synagogue. Well, you’re absolutely right. For the low price of $15, you not only get Kirk, you also get Unicorn. Eternally frozen in that magical pre-coital ecstacy we all get, just before we make love to a horse. You really should think about buying at least one by clicking here.

And remember, every dollar you spend at the Evil Arts and Crafts Schwag Store gets Andrea a dollar closer to being able to attend the Siggraph Convention in Los Angeles this summer. Make a girl’s dream come true, wouldja, you heartless bastard?

Fondest regards,
Luke

Slowly but surely, we’re developing a new cinematic language when it comes to CGI films, especially 3-D ones. Avatar went a long way to codifying it; Alice in Wonderland, I think, takes us a small step backwards.

Where Avatar took pains to avoid the whole “those humans don’t look real enough” creep-out factor, Tim Burton’s Alice rides the Uncanny Valley like a skateboarder on a half pipe. You’re never not aware that you’re watching actors on a blue screen. Sometimes that’s a wonderful thing, but the net result is slightly off-putting and never 100% engrossing. We’re getting there, but we’re not there yet.

On to the crass commercialism. Certainly you’ve heard the lies that the liberal media elite (or, as my brother calls them, “the goddamned liberal media elite”) have spread about the world wide web growing out of a military computer networking system called ARPANET. Here at Evil Arts and Crafts, we’re all about bringing you the truth. So, we bring you the latest addition to the Evil Schwag store– “The Birth of the Internet”, a limited edition print by my lovely co-conspirator Andrea.

An animation student, Andrea hopes to sell enough copies at $15 a pop to pay for her airfare to this year’s Siggraph convention in Los Angeles.  Make her dreams come true, wouldja? She’s just radiant when she’s happy. You should totally buy a copy here.

Have a great week, everybody!

Luke

Happy Friday, everyone. Today’s strip is a long time coming. For a short time, it seemed that I was set to turn into a UFC guy. It’s a natural progression, after all–I grew up with professional wrestling, so it only made sense that the next step was to graduate from pretend violence to actual violence. Fortunately, with the love and support of my wife and my family, I stepped away from that ledge.

So, if you haven’t already purchased The Ham! Shirt (and I have mathematical proof that you haven’t), well, what better time? Just in time for the…er…Easter shopping season. What small child with an eating disorder and an underfunctioning thyroid couldn’t use a snazzy new T-shirt emblazoned with his most beloved holiday treat! (Hey, yeah…they serve ham at Easter, don’t they? Wish we’d planned this ahead of time, but glad it worked out.)

And while you’re there, check out the other Evil Arts & Crafts gear. What else are you gonna do today, right?

Luke

Ugh…I’m friggin’ tired. Day two of the Big Diet and I’m already wiped entirely out. And HUNGRY. SO DAMN HUNGRY. Do I remember a Conan comic where he’s been crucified in the desert and he waited for a camel to wander close enough and he tore the beast’s throat out with his teeth to slake his savage thirst?

No…that may have been an episode of King of Queens. Either way, that image keeps playing in my head over and over. Probably not a good sign for my coworkers and housepets.

So, yeah.

Anyway, we’re still pimpin’ The Ham Shirt, along with all kinds of other fun schwag up in the Evil Arts and Crafts store. Ideally, I’d love to sell enough to cover the cost of our table at WizardWorld Chicago, which I’m now officially obsessed with attending as a vendor. Still a long ways off, but I can’t help but be excited. Yes, we’re paying for the right to be there, but still, to be part of the big dance…(well, not THE big dance. We’re still a long way from San Diego…)…I still think it’d be pretty awesome.

See you Friday!

Luke